Lewinsky virus: Sucks all the memory out of your computer, then e-mails everyone about what it did.

Ronald Reagan virus: Saves your data, but forgets where it is stored.

Mike Tyson virus: Quits after one byte.

Oprah Winfrey virus: Your 300MB hard drive suddenly shrinks to 100MB, and then slowly expands to 200MB.

Dr. Jack Kevorkian virus: Deletes all old files.

Ellen Degeneres virus: You can no longer insert disks into your computer.

Titanic virus: Your whole computer goes down.

Disney virus: Everything in your computer goes Goofy.

Prozac virus: Screws up your RAM but your processor doesn't care

Joey Buttafuoco virus: Only attacks minor files

Arnold Schwarzenegger virus: Terminates some files, leaves, but it'll be back.

Lorena Bobbit virus: Turns your hard disk into a 3.5 inch floppy.